I decided I wanted to do a breakdown of "Bellow" by Eloi Eloi. The lyrics apply to my life so much, & I wanted to write out my thoughts. But as I sat down to write out a blog, I realized I hadn't had a quiet time yet today. For some reason, I felt like I should read Mark 4 & 5, so I turned there & started reading. It's crazy how God ties things together. Just keep reading... It's going to be a long blog, but worth the read, I think (:
"I am caught in a thunderstorm.
I've been caught in a thunderstorm before,
But not quite like this.
My sin weighs me down, like an anchor around my neck.
I've lost sight of the Father in this vicious hurricane."
I've screwed up. As the song says, I've dealt with storms before, but never quite like this. I became someone I hated & did things I never thought I would do.
Jump to Mark 4:35. Jesus is asleep on the boat & the storm comes. The disciples are terrified. "Teacher, don't you care if we drown?" they cry. Jesus gets up, calms the storm, & asks, "Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?" Key word: still. How many times has God gotten me through the storm, & I STILL doubt?
Back to "Bellow":
"I can't succumb to flesh, I won't give in.
I won't succumb to flesh, I can't give in.
Oh, tame this restless soul & fill this breathless hole.
My Redeemer, Redeemer, take my eyes from me.
This storm captures my sight."
We all try to resist temptation. I had given in to sin so many times, even when I tried to stop. The storm captured my sight. All I could focus on was the shame of where I was, the confusion of how I let myself get to that point, & how hopeless the future looked. I prayed for God to take my sinful desires from me.
"I want You first. I want You last. For this I fight.
Wrestle my heart to the ground, Once lost, I'm now found."
It only takes an instant to go back to Christ. He wrestled with my heart, & even though I was lost deep within my sinful ways, He found me & brougth me back.
"Through this torment comes understanding,
& at the end of this storm Your promises reign true.
The wages of my choices end in death.
I can't give in, I won't give in to this weight around my neck.
I can't lift this burden on my own, not by myself."
I still struggle. Having a relationship with Christ does not mean freedom from temptation & hardships, but it does mean I don't have to deal with it alone. He's with me every step of the way.
Also, Christ blessed us with community. I have such a great support in my life. I have a wonderful Christian FAMILY who loves & cares for me, & I am so thankful for them. I'm thankful for KATHRYN for being the first light I saw coming out of that dark tunnel... for CALE, DOUG, & TYLER for being my accountability... for MOMMA BURROUGH for being my 2nd mom - for understanding how difficult my medical issues are, for the meals, advice, girl talk, & friendship... for BLAKE for never giving up on me, & being one of the best friends I've ever had... for LAKER for the spiritual leadership, the constant support & care, & the great friendship we've developed these past few weeks... & I'm thankful for REBECCA, REGAN, & WHITNEY - my battle buddy, my go-to girl, & my lifelong friend & sister. These are my 3 best friends, & the examples of Godly women Christ has placed in my life. With all of these people giving me Godly support, I am never alone, & my burdens are never mine to handle alone.
"Grant me sight beyond this world.
Let me touch Your cloak.
Grant me sight beyond this world.
I long to see Your glory once more."
Go back to Mark. Check out chapter 5, starting in verse 24. Jesus meets a woman who "had suffered a great deal under the care of many doctors & had spent all she had, yet instead of getting better, she grew worse." Wow, sounds familiar. 5 doctors, 2 & 1/2 months, & a couple thousand dollars in medical bills later, I'm still weak, tired, & left without an answer as to what exactly is wrong with me. In verse 27, the woman touches the cloak Jesus is wearing & is immediately healed. Jesus says her faith healed her. I need her faith. God will heal me, & He will use all of these medical issues I'm dealing with for His glory. I've just got to have faith.
"I cry out towards the heavens. I cry out at Your feet,
Oh my God, let my heart be tuned to You.
Oh my God, I am for You."
This is my prayer.
La vie c'est belle. Dieu est glorieux.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Check It Out (:
Some friends of mine are in a band that is definitely worth listening to. They’re great Godly guys, serving & worshiping through their music. Check out their new single, “Bellow.” It’ll be up on iTunes tomorrow!
www.purevolume.com/eloieloiokc
& follow them on Twitter! @eloieloiokc
www.purevolume.com/eloieloiokc
& follow them on Twitter! @eloieloiokc
To Save a Life
I just finished watching To Save a Life. If you haven’t seen it, I definitely recommend it. It’s a movie about a boy who commits suicide, the events that led up to the suicide, & the events that followed. It’s a Christian film, & it had a lot of good lessons & things to think about.
In one part, a boy meets a youth pastor. They start talking, & the kid says, “I’m not really religious.” The preacher responds with, “That’s okay, neither am I.” I love that. Christians are not called to be religious. They’re called to live for Christ. That requires action.
The boy I mentioned, Jake, was speaking to his girlfriend about the boy who committed suicide. He explains that he feels guilty, because they used to be close friends when they were young, but then they stopped talking. She keeps saying, “It’s not your job to watch over him,” & saying that Jake shouldn’t feel guilty because he didn’t kill him. He says, “I know I didn’t kill him. I know I didn’t do anything.” & she says, “Yeah, none of us did.” & Jake replies, “That’s the problem!” This is so true. While the suicide may not have been Jake’s fault, it goes to show that every little action ultimately affects someone’s future. What if one act of kindness could have changed his mind? Ephesians 5:16 says to “make the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil.” & Galatians 6:10 says, “Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, when it is in your power to act.” Take advantage of every opportunity to show Christ’s love. God cares for His kids, & we should do everything in our power to demonstrate that fact to everyone we come into contact with.
Later in the movie, after becoming a Christian, Jake’s life starts to fall apart. He prays & says, “God, I don’t know if I’m allowed to be mad at You, but I am.” It’s perfectly fine to be angry with God, but we need to realize that God is not the problem. New Christians/growing Christians are Satan’s prime targets. When things start falling apart, it’s not because you’re being punished. It’s because you are a threat to Satan & he wants you out of the picture. God does not exist to come into your life & magically make everything better. He comes into your life to be there for you & get you through the tough times.
Another big issue addressed in the movie is accepting people. One line in the movie is, “You judge this kid but you haven’t even bothered to get to know him.” How often do we do that? We write someone off because they don’t fit in, or they’re different, or just weird. But who are we to judge? The youth pastor in the movie uses an illustration that describes this really well. He holds up a $20 bill & says, “What would you do for $20? French kiss a dog? Take your mom to prom?” Then he holds up a penny. He asks, “Would you still take your mom to prom for this penny? Would you french kiss the dog for a penny? This is often how we see people.” We have $20 people & penny people. We’d do a lot to help the $20 people… our friends, family, & people we want to get to know better. But what would we do for the penny people… the ones who aren’t anything like us, who we don’t really know (& possibly don’t care to know)? Just something to think about.
Matthew 25:40 says, “The King will reply, ‘I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for Me.” When we love others, we’re loving Christ, & no one is too low to love.
Unfortunately, the church is one of the worst places for this kind of judgment. Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t a huge issue for all churches. However, I’ve visited several churches, & there were many times where I honestly felt like people could care less whether or not I came back, & I have friends who have had similar experiences. We got weird looks, or were ignored, or just felt awkward because we dressed a little differently, or were young, or didn’t really know anyone. There were even one or two instances where we literally were not spoken to by anyone. The youth pastor in To Save a Life said, “This is supposed to be a place where you don’t have to pretend you’ve got it all together & don’t have any problems. This is supposed to be a place where you can be who you really are.” Why aren’t all churches like that?
There was also a point in the movie where Jake says to the youth pastor, “I believe that YOU believe. But why are they’re so many fakers in there?” & the youth pastor responds, “They’re willing to settle.” There are so many people who are just faking it. They go to church & do good deeds because they’re settling for being “good.” That is not what Christianity is about! Ephesians 2:8-9 says, “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith. It is not by your own doing, but it is the gift of God, so that no man can boast.” God doesn’t want us to be good. He wants us to passionately love & follow Him, & to care for His people.
Towards the end of the movie, someone says “Life is a journey. Not so much to a destination, but a transformation.” Think about where you want your journey to take you, & take steps to get there. (:
In one part, a boy meets a youth pastor. They start talking, & the kid says, “I’m not really religious.” The preacher responds with, “That’s okay, neither am I.” I love that. Christians are not called to be religious. They’re called to live for Christ. That requires action.
The boy I mentioned, Jake, was speaking to his girlfriend about the boy who committed suicide. He explains that he feels guilty, because they used to be close friends when they were young, but then they stopped talking. She keeps saying, “It’s not your job to watch over him,” & saying that Jake shouldn’t feel guilty because he didn’t kill him. He says, “I know I didn’t kill him. I know I didn’t do anything.” & she says, “Yeah, none of us did.” & Jake replies, “That’s the problem!” This is so true. While the suicide may not have been Jake’s fault, it goes to show that every little action ultimately affects someone’s future. What if one act of kindness could have changed his mind? Ephesians 5:16 says to “make the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil.” & Galatians 6:10 says, “Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, when it is in your power to act.” Take advantage of every opportunity to show Christ’s love. God cares for His kids, & we should do everything in our power to demonstrate that fact to everyone we come into contact with.
Later in the movie, after becoming a Christian, Jake’s life starts to fall apart. He prays & says, “God, I don’t know if I’m allowed to be mad at You, but I am.” It’s perfectly fine to be angry with God, but we need to realize that God is not the problem. New Christians/growing Christians are Satan’s prime targets. When things start falling apart, it’s not because you’re being punished. It’s because you are a threat to Satan & he wants you out of the picture. God does not exist to come into your life & magically make everything better. He comes into your life to be there for you & get you through the tough times.
Another big issue addressed in the movie is accepting people. One line in the movie is, “You judge this kid but you haven’t even bothered to get to know him.” How often do we do that? We write someone off because they don’t fit in, or they’re different, or just weird. But who are we to judge? The youth pastor in the movie uses an illustration that describes this really well. He holds up a $20 bill & says, “What would you do for $20? French kiss a dog? Take your mom to prom?” Then he holds up a penny. He asks, “Would you still take your mom to prom for this penny? Would you french kiss the dog for a penny? This is often how we see people.” We have $20 people & penny people. We’d do a lot to help the $20 people… our friends, family, & people we want to get to know better. But what would we do for the penny people… the ones who aren’t anything like us, who we don’t really know (& possibly don’t care to know)? Just something to think about.
Matthew 25:40 says, “The King will reply, ‘I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for Me.” When we love others, we’re loving Christ, & no one is too low to love.
Unfortunately, the church is one of the worst places for this kind of judgment. Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t a huge issue for all churches. However, I’ve visited several churches, & there were many times where I honestly felt like people could care less whether or not I came back, & I have friends who have had similar experiences. We got weird looks, or were ignored, or just felt awkward because we dressed a little differently, or were young, or didn’t really know anyone. There were even one or two instances where we literally were not spoken to by anyone. The youth pastor in To Save a Life said, “This is supposed to be a place where you don’t have to pretend you’ve got it all together & don’t have any problems. This is supposed to be a place where you can be who you really are.” Why aren’t all churches like that?
There was also a point in the movie where Jake says to the youth pastor, “I believe that YOU believe. But why are they’re so many fakers in there?” & the youth pastor responds, “They’re willing to settle.” There are so many people who are just faking it. They go to church & do good deeds because they’re settling for being “good.” That is not what Christianity is about! Ephesians 2:8-9 says, “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith. It is not by your own doing, but it is the gift of God, so that no man can boast.” God doesn’t want us to be good. He wants us to passionately love & follow Him, & to care for His people.
Towards the end of the movie, someone says “Life is a journey. Not so much to a destination, but a transformation.” Think about where you want your journey to take you, & take steps to get there. (:
Super Summer 2010
Super Summer was all about being consumed by the glory of God. In Acts 4:31, the believers prayed, & “After they prayed, the place where they were meeting was shaken. & they were all filled with the Holy Spirit & spoke the word of God boldly.” This is what I feel happened this week. As believers, we already have the Holy Spirit, but this week, we were FILLED with it. It was all we were focused on. God should NOT be our main focus. He should be our only focus. Everything else - careers, relationships, everything - falls under Him, & therefore, He is our only focus.
God continued speaking to me at Super Summer about the importance of living a Godly lifestyle. People will not follow us unless we are providing evidence that we are growing in Christ & have experience in the things we are preaching about. If we aren’t growing, we’re dying. There is no such thing as a stagnant Christian. & we are as close to God as we choose to be - He does not turn anyone away.
Sunday night of Team Leader weekend, we had a consecration service. We were encouraged to pray over ourselves, & then our Exec staff prayed over us. We were told to ask God to:1) Search us & show us anything ungodly in our lives.
2) Break us & let all of the sinfulness, shame, & worldliness out.
3) Stretch us to new limits this week.
4) Lead us in His ways.
5) Use us to further His Kingdom.
This was SO powerful. I cannot even begin to describe how freeing it was to finally let go of everything I’d been holding onto for so long, & then have God start leading me in the path He created specifically for me. & having my Exec staff members pray over me… I had no idea what they were saying (they all spoke at the same time), but I could literally feel the blessings from God pouring out of them & into me. I felt prepared to learn, as well as to lead & help the students grow.
On Monday the students arrived. I was in Blue School, which was for the incoming freshmen. I was blessed with a wonderful “husband” for the week, who treated me very well (Especially the morning he brought me a Monster energy drink!) & 9 amazing children, who I grew to love. It’s crazy how fast relationships can grow in a week! It’s also awesome to see how God can use these kids, who are 5 years younger than I am, to teach me. It reminds me of 1 Timothy 4:12, which says not to let anyone look down on you because of your youth. God can use anyone, no matter how old they are. We serve such a glorious God!
God also gave me several new friends from other schools (both team leaders & students) that I can already tell will be a big part of my life. I thank God for the new friendships He has blessed me with.
Another MAJOR, amazing, awesome blessing that I can’t even begin to thank God for is my roommate Rebecca. Those of you who know me have seen that I tend to “click” better with guys, & I don’t have the best luck when I’m paired up with random girls. I actually prayed that I wouldn’t have a roommate. I told God I just thought it would be easier if He didn’t give me one. & then God gave me Rebecca. She is one of the most incredible, Godly women I have ever encountered. Our friendship is truly evidence of God’s hand putting two people together. We are already so close, & I can tell that God is going to help us grow even closer together. Chris Plekenpol, our speaker for the week, talked about the importance of having a battle buddy - someone to not only hold us accountable, but to take with us to help fight our battles. After the service, Rebecca prayed with me & told me she knew that was why God put us together, & I realized she was right. Where she goes, I’ll go, & vice versa. Our first major battle: a mission trip to Alaska with Super Summer next year. I can’t wait! (:
I also had the honor & privilege of meeting her family & staying with them the weekend after camp. After spending time with them, I see exactly where Rebecca gets her amazing personality, heart, & faith. I can’t wait to get to know them better, & I can already tell they’ll be a major part of my future.
God really encouraged me this week to start seeing with His eyes & loving with His heart (“Give Me Your Eyes” by Brandon Heath was pretty much constantly stuck in my head!). We treat people like scenery instead of seeing them as they really are - lost people without any hope, just seeking answers. We have these answers, & yet many times we don’t share them with the lost. Plekenpol said “Once you’ve entered my world, you’re gunna get the Gospel. That’s kinda how it works.” That’s how all of us should live. No one should enter our world without hearing about the hope we have & the reason we live. Share it! If we don’t share the hope we have, the lost will always be lost. ALWAYS. How devastating is it to imagine someone being separated from God for eternity? Be bold! Do everything you can to make sure that will not be the fate of anyone you come into contact with!
We should live so that even if people don’t agree with our beliefs, they cannot deny the love we have for them. No one is too low to love. When asked why he would spend time with “someone like that,” Plekenpol responded with “Because Jesus spent time with someone like me.” When the love of Christ comes into you, it will also come out of you. We are called to love the unlovable, & we need to meet sinners where they’re at. Don’t expect them to come straight up to you & ask about Jesus. It’s great if they do, but realistically, they want answers, & they don’t know where to look. Provide those answers for them!
Pray for opportunities to share. Look for those opportunities, & take them when they come. Don’t wait around for someone else to go first. Start now. GO!
Falls Creek 2010
Falls Creek this year, at least for me, was about getting back to where I need to be. I had been drifting away from God & His plans for me, & just felt really distant from Him. The worship leaders, the Nick Thurmond Band, sang a song throughout the week that really got me thinking. The chorus went like this:
“Oh be exalted, be the King of my soul,
& I lay down my life, & forever I’ll know
that You will be there in the moment I need You,
& You have been here, only I couldn’t see You.
& I’ve been missing You.”
This made me think, what does it mean to miss someone? To not see them; for them not to be around. But God is always there, so why couldn’t I see Him? It became clear to me that the only reason I wasn’t seeing God at all times is because I wasn’t looking for Him. I realized that I’ve been praying & asking God to speak to me, then completely ignoring Him when He did because He wasn’t telling me what I wanted to hear. So I started listening.
One thing God brought to my attention this week is the importance of prayer. One of the speakers said, “If you’re not talking to God about your friends, you’re not going to talk to your friends about God.” This is so true. If we’re not praying for our friends & asking God for opportunities to share with them, then we aren’t going to share. Another speaker used the analogy of farming. He said that we have to plow the fields several times before the soil is soft enough to plant the seeds. This means that we have to pray for our friends over & over & over before their hearts are ready to receive the Gospel. So don’t give up on anyone! 1 Thessalonians 5:17 tells us to “pray without ceasing.” I prayed for my older brother for 4 years before he came to Christ. No one is a lost cause!
Another thing God taught me about is the importance of forgiveness - & not just the forgiveness of others, but the forgiveness of ourselves. Guilt is ungodly & unnecessary. Jesus already died & paid the price for our sins. We can feel guilty, or even continue sinning, but it doesn’t undo what Jesus did for us on the cross. So what’s the point of feeling guilty? 1 John 1:19 says that “If we confess our sins, He is faithful & just & will purify us from all unrighteousness.” Just confess it & let it go.
The final thing God gave me to focus on at Falls Creek is the importance of living a Godly lifestyle. Everything I do needs to match up with God’s ultimate goals for me. For example, I feel called to counsel with kids/teens with cancer. If I go to college & get a degree in accounting, that’s great. But how is that helping me reach God’s goal of counseling with cancer patients? It’s pointless. Also, we (as Christians) are the Jesus people see in the world. Our actions are what they will know of Him. One of my all-time favorite verses is Proverbs 27:19, which says “As water reflects the face, so one’s life reflects the heart.” Others should see Christ-like qualities & a Heavenly love in our everyday actions, because Christ is overflowing from our hearts.
Honestly, I have grown to love Edmond during my first year of college, & I was not excited about spending two months here in Ponca. But Falls Creek showed me that the Northeast Baptist youth group is the reason why I’m here. It was truly a blessing to be able to spend a week with these students & watch them grow closer to God, especially as God was also drawing me closer to Him. I have built some great relationships with these students this summer, & I’m excited to see how God will continue building these relationships in the future. God gave me 365 days of service between now & next year, & I plan to use them!
“Oh be exalted, be the King of my soul,
& I lay down my life, & forever I’ll know
that You will be there in the moment I need You,
& You have been here, only I couldn’t see You.
& I’ve been missing You.”
This made me think, what does it mean to miss someone? To not see them; for them not to be around. But God is always there, so why couldn’t I see Him? It became clear to me that the only reason I wasn’t seeing God at all times is because I wasn’t looking for Him. I realized that I’ve been praying & asking God to speak to me, then completely ignoring Him when He did because He wasn’t telling me what I wanted to hear. So I started listening.
One thing God brought to my attention this week is the importance of prayer. One of the speakers said, “If you’re not talking to God about your friends, you’re not going to talk to your friends about God.” This is so true. If we’re not praying for our friends & asking God for opportunities to share with them, then we aren’t going to share. Another speaker used the analogy of farming. He said that we have to plow the fields several times before the soil is soft enough to plant the seeds. This means that we have to pray for our friends over & over & over before their hearts are ready to receive the Gospel. So don’t give up on anyone! 1 Thessalonians 5:17 tells us to “pray without ceasing.” I prayed for my older brother for 4 years before he came to Christ. No one is a lost cause!
Another thing God taught me about is the importance of forgiveness - & not just the forgiveness of others, but the forgiveness of ourselves. Guilt is ungodly & unnecessary. Jesus already died & paid the price for our sins. We can feel guilty, or even continue sinning, but it doesn’t undo what Jesus did for us on the cross. So what’s the point of feeling guilty? 1 John 1:19 says that “If we confess our sins, He is faithful & just & will purify us from all unrighteousness.” Just confess it & let it go.
The final thing God gave me to focus on at Falls Creek is the importance of living a Godly lifestyle. Everything I do needs to match up with God’s ultimate goals for me. For example, I feel called to counsel with kids/teens with cancer. If I go to college & get a degree in accounting, that’s great. But how is that helping me reach God’s goal of counseling with cancer patients? It’s pointless. Also, we (as Christians) are the Jesus people see in the world. Our actions are what they will know of Him. One of my all-time favorite verses is Proverbs 27:19, which says “As water reflects the face, so one’s life reflects the heart.” Others should see Christ-like qualities & a Heavenly love in our everyday actions, because Christ is overflowing from our hearts.
Honestly, I have grown to love Edmond during my first year of college, & I was not excited about spending two months here in Ponca. But Falls Creek showed me that the Northeast Baptist youth group is the reason why I’m here. It was truly a blessing to be able to spend a week with these students & watch them grow closer to God, especially as God was also drawing me closer to Him. I have built some great relationships with these students this summer, & I’m excited to see how God will continue building these relationships in the future. God gave me 365 days of service between now & next year, & I plan to use them!
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